Writing Down the Bones: Passive Voice

The Passive voice. The he was talking instead of he talked. That to be verb is a pesky little thing and most of us don't even know we're using it. There is nothing wrong with it but a lot can slow down the pace of your story.

Once it was pointed out to me I started watching out for it. I actually used to go through chapter by chapter and highlight all the was's I had in a chapter and looked for a new way to write the sentence to get rid of the to be verb. That helped me remove a lot of them and taught me how to avoid them in the first place.

This is what I mean:

I was sitting next to my sister while my uncle was telling a story about my grandmother. Grandma was going through menopause and had been doing some goofy things. The story was about how she threw a plate of spaghetti at him, had it hit the wall and then she demanded to know how it got there. This was a new story and we laughed at the idea. I was glad I never saw that side of her.

The above paragraph has five sentences yet has six was's which I highlighted. Now I'm going to tell the same story again, but this time pull out those was's.

I sat next to my sister as my uncle told a story about my grandmother. One we'd never heard before. While going through menopause she did some goofy things. Her and my uncle argued in the kitchen and in a fit of anger she threw a full plate of spaghetti at his head, narrowly missing it. The spaghetti smacked against the wall. Five seconds later she berated him for the mess. I laughed as I silently thanked God I never saw that side of her.

Same basic paragraph, but to get around the was's I changed the sentences, making it more active. There are now seven sentences and no was's.

There is nothing wrong with the passive voice and sometimes you just can't avoid it but the more you remove the faster paced your story will be.

Barb:)

Shameless Promoting: I'm at Tina Donahue's blog today

Here;s a quick note to let you know I'm at Tina Donahue's blog today - I posted about writing - it is a career or a hobby.

Barb's at my site today - http://www.tinadonahue.com/blog/ - giving you a sneak peek into her awesome romance Hesitant Desire. I adore the cover!

Please drop by to learn more about this great book, and leave a comment to show your love. :)

Random Thoughts:Getting back in the Groove

It's always hard for me to get back into the writing groove when I go on vacation. It's the time I step away from everything, including my books. I need to do that every so often so I don't burn out or hit writers block.

I went to see my sister for four days. I knew I wouldn't get much writing done but I brought my laptop anyway. Maybe I could squeeze a little time in somewhere along the way. The fact is I didn't even take my laptop out of the bag. Not once. But four days later I knew I'd have to get back to the grind.

It's so easy to let other things get in the way when you stop writing. Even if it 's just a day or two. There was a lot for me to use as an excuse I returned. There were e-mails from all the loops, all the junk mail that had piled up on the counter, the dreaded pile of laundry from the trip. It would be so simple to focus on catching up to forget about writing for a few more days. But I'm afraid if I do that then days will turn into weeks then months.

So one of the first things I do is pull my laptop out and turn it on. I might spend more time than I should deleting e-mails from my loops but it's up and running and those loops pertain to writing so I'm working on writing even if I'm not working on my stories. I also open my manuscripts up. Even if all I do is reread what I had written before I left I'm working on focusing on my books again. I do try to write something. It might take me a day or two to get back to writing for several hours a day but I do get there.

I love to write. It's a wonderful gift given to me and I don't want to ignore it so each time I take a break I make sure that break doesn't stop me forever.

Writing Down the Bones: Mixing it up with Sentence Structure

The way you word your story is important. Too many sentences written the same way can bore your reader. Starting your sentences with the same word can do the same thing. Remember though when you're doing that rough draft just write. Don't worry about what word to use, if you have overused a word or if there is enough variety in your sentence structure. Once you start editing then you'll be looking at these things.

So, let's look at sentences written the same way.

Needing to see if any of her friends had arrived, Mary looked around the bar to see if she could spot anyone. Not seeing anyone, she sat at the bar. Wondering if she was too early, she went ahead and ordered a drink. Hearing her name called out, she looked around again.

Even though I started the sentences in the above paragraph with different words they are the same structure. That gets monotonous. So how would I fix it?

Mary hoped she wasn't too early. She was supposed to meet her friends here for a few drinks. Looking around, she didn't see anyone so went to the bar and ordered a drink.

"Mary!"

Her girlfriend's voice was loud enough to cut through her thoughts. Mary turned around and smiled. They were tucked in a small alcove toward the back. No wonder she didn't see them.

The same information was there but by changing the sentence structures I actually added more depth. You get a little of Mary's emotions. You learn that one of her friends has one of those voices that can cut through a crowd.

Now let's look at sentences starting the same way. The most common one is the he/she sentences.

She walked across the room to her friends, carrying her drink. She smiled as she sat down in the only empty chair. She was happy to be out of the house.

Grabbing her drink, Mary walked across the room to her friends. It was good to see them again. Work had been so hectic she hadn't had a chance to get away like this in a while. A smile filled her lips as she sat down in the only empty chair. Now this was the way to spend an evening.

Changing the sentences gives you a little more of Mary's thoughts and what she's been through. We  now know her work has been occupying a lot of her time and made her miss a few social gatherings. The choices I made here also took out some of the telling out and converted it to showing and made it a little less passive voice.

There is so much more to this sentence structure, that I'm not going to try to cram it all into one blog - I will continue to touch on it from time to time.

Barb:)

Random Thoughts: An Anonymous comment

I want to thank the person who left the anonymous comment on my last post - the more I thought about the post the more I wanted to make a blog about it and I was trying to come up with a subject for this post. I don't know what sort of firestorm I'm going to make over this, but what is life without a little controversy every once in awhile?

I could have deleted it and moved on, or released it and see what sort of comments I got to that particular blog - but no. I like to grab the bull by the horns.

Here's the comment first: Nice tips. Only drawback to this was that you used a well-established author;s title for her book as your own. Somewhat deceives the reader into clicking your link. using the title for "Writing Down the Bones" has nothing to do with what you've writing about here.
Anonymous


It made me go hmmm.

This is the fifth book in the series. I bet the at least three of the four other titles have been used before too. Why did this title get singled out? Titles aren't copyrighted. I remember years ago when three authors - well-established authors - each had a book coming out in the same month and with the same title. It was a big buzz around the RWA water cooler.

I didn't pick this title to ride on someone else's coat tales, I picked it because it fit the storyline of the book. I have a publisher and they didn't have a problem with the title and they have the last say. I don't know what other book has the same title as mine but I'm not worrying about it. The cover is done. The book comes out at the end of the month.

What I wanted to know was why anonymous would say a 'well-established author'. Is she saying I'm not well-established? What qualifies someone as well established? Who they publish with? How many books they have out? How long they've been published?

Hard Shell Word factory was one of the first electronic/small press publishers. I went with them because they were established and all the authors I knew who wrote for them had nothing but good things to say about them. Phaze is well known for erotic romance. Both are owned by Mundania which is a pretty big publisher.

I sold my first book in 1999 and have sold 19 titles since I became published. I have three full length books published through Hard Shell Word Factory. I had a short non-fiction article published in Crumbs in the Keyboard through Epsilon Press. I had four short stories all in different anthologies through Midnight Showcase and when they sold to Melange, Melange release all four shorts into one book  - I do count that as another sale. Then I sold another short which is in an anthology called Paranormal Dreams. (so we're at 10 right now) Phaze has  published 7 of my full length manuscripts is releasing Hesitant Desire at the end of the month and just bought book six, Forgotten Desire. Is nineteen not enough?

A friend of mine, Cathy Maxwell, said that getting five books sold proved you could write for a living. Depending on how you take that it could mean established.

On to the next comment. I'm deceiving people with my title and making them follow my link. That made me wonder. Hesitant Desire doesn't have a link. It hasn't been released yet and Phaze doesn't pre-sell. And are readers that naive to not know the name of the author they are looking for? When you do a book search by title the most popular authors are at the top of the list or those with a good promoter and I do my own promoting. I'm not a big I.T. person where I could load code to make my name come to the top.

When I started my Writing Down the Bones part of this blog I explained that it was my writing style. I start with the bones and flesh them out. I have been in this business a long time and I want to share the wealth. I have explained in different posts that I will jump around from time to time because of things that pop into my head.

I have to disagree with Anonymous, the cover page to a manuscript is something basic not all writers know. It fits the rest of the posts I have loaded. As time goes on I'll be talking about cover letters, outlines and that dreaded synopsis.

The fact that Anonymous didn't sign their name makes me wonder if they are the author of the book mentioned and feel I will steal potential readers. Maybe they are someone I know and are afraid to tell me who they are. Ir doesn't really matter but I can't help but ask these questions.

I would love to hear what you guys who read this think.



Barb:)

Writing Down the Bones: The Cover Page for Your Manuscript

As an editor for a publisher I'm learning that not everyone uses a cover page and there are times when I wished they did. The cover page has all the simple details the publisher needs. I was reading one manuscript and had no idea what genre it was. I couldn't tell if it was a romance, or murder mystery. That cover page would have answered my question.

A cover page is pretty simple. It should have the title of the book, what genre it is in, how many words, your name (and if you use a pen name both should be on the cover page), mailing address, email address, phone number.

Here's what mine looks like:

I always center it on the page and the line

Forgotten Desire

Book Six

The Vespian Way

SF/Futuristic Erotic Romance

80,000 words

Barbara Donlon Bradley 

Pen Name: Don't use one*

Mailing Address

Phone number

e-mail address

* I don't write pen name: I don't have one - I did that so you guys get an idea of what you should write

Just by this simple information you know the title, that it is a series and which book in the series I'm submitting, you know it's science fiction/futuristic, you know it is an erotic romance and you know it is a full length manuscript.

This does help the editor when he or she is reading your book for the first time. Not every book tells you what it is in the very beginning. What if it is a time travel and it starts off as a contemporary. Without the cover page the editor isn't going to know that. What if they are looking for time travel but have plenty of contemporaries? You could be shooting yourself in the foot without that cover page. Not every editor gets your synopsis or cover letter that might have that detail.

Using a cover page is up to you, but I do recommend it. It makes your manuscript look more professional, and gives your potential publisher the info they want in a quick glance.

Random Thoughts: Is Writing a Joy or a Curse?

I love to write.

Watching my page count get larger and larger shows my accomplishment toward the goal of finishing the book. I get lost in the words flowing from my fingers to the page. I write every day. I start at eight p.m., although I'll start earlier when I can, and work until one or two in the morning. Sometimes I might only get a page or two done, sometimes it's like my keyboard is on fire.

But I also need to have people buy my books so I can continue to write, so I need to promote. I work on that as often as I can. Sometimes every day. I'll write a blog, then do an author interview, I've done chats on loops I belong to. I check those loops for promos I can do and the circle begins again.

I also edit for one of my publishers. Right now on my laptop, which is where I do all my writing, is the book I'm writing, the book I have finished writing and am now editing to send in to my publisher, another author's manuscript that I am editing for the publisher I edit for, a submission I'm reading to see if my publisher should accept it, an interview for a new loop I just joined, and the outline I'm doing for my publisher for the latest book they purchased from me. I don't see it as a lot until I look at how many files I have open at one time.

I need to write, but don't want to ignore anything else so I don't focus on one particular thing for too long before I move onto the next one. This way each gets an equal amount of focus. But there are days where I only want to work on my stories. Feel that joy coursing through my veins. I give myself one day a week to do that, but when the need drives me I'll focus on the one thing that won't leave me alone.

Writing Down the Bones: Who's Talking?

The question I have struggled with is how often do I use the name of my character? Is there a formula? When I was pre-published I had a wonderful critique group through my local RWA chapter and I learned a lot from them. When we first started everyone in the critique group was pre-published, but quite a few of us were able to step over that line and are now published. In the beginning we needed to learn the craft. Each of us had our strong points and we shared what we knew to make each of us a better writer.

At one of these critiques I was told that I didn't use my character's names enough, and when I asked how often I should use them I got an ambiguous answer. No one really knew, they just knew I should have used them more to keep the character's name in their heads.

My thought was great, so how am I supposed to figure this out? Someone did recommend I use them after I used the word she/he six times and I latched onto that. If I used she six times then I used my character's name. I didn't take into consideration that in dialogue I might be using the character's name as well, or that I might have used a pet name to identify the character.

So I continued to learn my craft. I read books on writing, studied other writer's work. I strengthened my writing skills. Then I sold. Happy dancing commenced.

It took an editor telling me I used my character's names too many times in one of my manuscripts  for me to relook at my little formula. By this time I have learned a little more and started looking at how I was using my formula. How many sentences do I start with she or he? Maybe I need to rewrite the sentence so I'm not beating my reader in the head with their name. Do I have a lot of characters in the scene or just two? Am I being very clear in the dialogue? Does it clearly show who is talking?

I still don't have a tried and true way. I don't think there is one, but as I go through a manuscript I do focus on how many people I have in the scene. The more people the more often I'll use their name. Does my characters have pet names for each other that I use to help identify who's in the scene. Does the description help tell who's speaking? Is there other things I'm using to show who's talking or thinking?

What I do is more of a feel now. If the sentence sounds like it needs their name then I use it. I wish there was a perfect formula for this. You need to study, read books on writing, study your fellow authors and see how they are doing it. Keep trying different ways to let your reader know who is talking, and if you do ever come up with a formula let the rest of us know.

Random thoughts: Time

Some weeks I find it easy to write two blogs a week then there are others where I can't seem to get anything done.

Why?

What makes one week crazier than another. I have the same amount of hours in each week. I feel I manage my time pretty well. I juggle everything each day so everything gets done, well, sort of. Enough to keep things going.

Does my mind hit a twilight zone of some sort where I zone out? Do I become distracted too easily? Am I doing more in one week than the other and I just don't realize it?

As a writer there is a lot you need to do. Write of course. There are always stories to tell. Promotion because you need to get your name out there. Social networking, for me it's connecting with other writers. I'm a lurker on most of my loops, commenting every once in a while, but I do read the business posts. Look for free promotion, see who's advertizing with what company. Try to find out who getting the biggest bang for their buck.

Then there's the pay the bill job, dealing with my family which includes being a caregiver to my 85 year old mother-in-law, and taking care of the house.

hmmm...as I read through this I realize I'm doing a lot all the time and some weeks other things take priority.

I wish I could clone myself.

Barb:)

Writing Down the Bones: The five senses

When I first started writing I was beaten over the head about using the five senses. I always used two to three but never seemed to get the other two. It took me a while to figure out how to do bring all five senses in, but the brow bearing did work.

I'm talking smell, taste, sight, hearing and touching Adding them to your scenes can give your story that three dimensional feel that readers love.

Some of these are easy to use:

Sight is whatever your character sees. The red overstuffed chair the person speaking to them is sitting in. The bare light bulb illuminating the room.

Hearing can be covered by the dialog, because you know your character is hearing what the other character in the scene said but you can also add more by telling your reader about the dog howling outside the open window or the tires screeching in the distance.

Smell might not be something you think about, but when you mention the scent of a trash bin wafting through the window or the musty smell of the hot room.

Taste isn't always easy to work in but you can do it. The salt of the sweat beading on your characters upper lip. If they are drinking then you can bring in the bitterness of the coffee or the welcomed coolness of the iced tea, the tepidness of the water from a rusty tap.

Touch is another one a lot of people leave out. Tell your reader how the red overstuffed chair feels. Is your character leaning on a door jam? Is the wood cool to the touch? How hot is that cup of coffee?

This doesn't have to be done in every single scene, but the more scenes you can put all the senses in the more three dimensional your story will become to your reader.